Getting away with bad behavior

I've been a roque and charlatan in my past, and I usually have paid for this nonsensical behavior somehow, some way. If not immediately, then down the line. When I was young, taking stupid risks was a way of establishing "Street cred" or at least having "Cajones". It was important then to be something more than a dweeb or non-entity amongst like-minded delinquents.Activities ranged from throwing a party when your parents are out of town, to petty larceny or sneaking into a movie theater without a ticket. 

Keep in mind that adults are not immune from this type of behavior ,or setting someone up to act it out for them. At times, all that is needed is a simple dare to propel one into performing in this unconscious way.Other times, all we need is to dare ourselves. Impulsivity usually plays an important role in when and how these deeds are carried out.

A case in point when, as and adult, I recently decided to beat the morning traffic by jumping onto the car pool ramp that leads to the toll plaza of the Oakland Bay Bridge. I queasily passed the signs that urged me over and continued right to the toll gate. There I saw a light flash, logging my transponder as I passed through. Then nothing happened. I proceeded across the bridge into San Francisco.

Today, I sit silently grimacing at the thought that I may have been caught. The fine would be well over two hundred dollars. I was wrong and I knew it. Why did I do it? The simple answer has always been that I thought I could get away with it. I no longer subscribe to this way of thinking, nor do relish this behavior. In fact, I find it deplorable. If I am issued a ticket, I will pay it and vow never to do that again. 

The consequences of this type of behavior were not taken into account. Is it that I think that I am different, or that the law does not apply to me? No. If anything, it is a carry over from my youth where I found it necessary to assert my independence, away from what I perceived were those oppressive, authoritarian autocrats. People I disdained, just by virtue of the fact that they easily took it upon themselves to tell me how to behave.

Running Buddies

Nancy and Sandy are the sweetest, most fun-loving women you would ever have the pleasure of knowing. We met up again at our friend Dan McGill's memorial service last Wednesday. Dan was the catalyst for our excursions throughout the Marin Headlands, Golden Gate park and Mt. Tamalpais. He would give us a call in the morning and tell us where and when to meet, and off we'd go on a four to six mile run. We would usually have a nice coffee clach at the end of our run where we would share ribald stories and unique viewpoints.

Nancy and Sandy have a real down-to-earth way about them, which makes them both attractive in their own special way. Sandy is living in Mexico now, and travelled all the way to be at Dan's service. A true friend, indeed. It was great seeing both of them and I hope that we will meet sometime soon in the near future. We are all accomplished marathoners and natural endorphine junkies. Because of this fact, May we all live long and prosper.God bless you Nancy and Sandy... and of course, Dan.

Here's a video of another old codger that we knew who inspired us.

Bike Riding in the Napa Valley

I must say that having a bike to get around is a lot of fun, great exercise and saves on gas. Lately, I've been riding to meetings, to church and to the grocery store to pick up a few small items and have been enjoying every minute of it. Last week I drove from St. Helena to Calistoga (14 miles round trip) and was returning just after sunset. Recently, I have recognized how important it is to be seen on a bike and how for a few dollars you can equip your bike with some necessary safety features like a blinking headlight and taillight. I also have purchased a small bell to warn walker/runners when I am approaching.

Just when you are heading south on Washington street in Calistoga, you will run into a great bike path which takes you all they way to Dunaweal lane. You will pass by vineyards, a glider port, a duck and goose sanctuary, a model airplane field, a little league diamond and several small ponds. It is easy to cover a five miles stretch in no time and come back home feeling refreshed. Below is a small pic along the route I recommend.

My Wheels...

Scary Nice Weather

That is the best way to describe the weather this January. Every week has been more and more beautiful. The sun has been shining , the birds are chirping and the mustard is already in bloom. In other words, it's been scary nice weather. The central and east coast have been experiencing scary "not so nice" weather. New York city just escaped a major snow drop; probably the biggest in history. I hear this as I pour another lemonade, and prepare for a little bike ride through the vineyards.We Californians don't know how good we've got it. We have no right to complain about any fog, wind or inclement weather that has befallen us in the past two years. Make that five. I am very grateful to be living in the lap of luxury and still able to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach. Only the grace of God could manage this. Below is the entry to the "Castle of Love" only a few miles from my home.

A New Year

Like most people, I enjoy this holiday, but don't celebrate it like I used to ( Thankfully ). New Year's is a good time for list making. What do I hope to achieve in the coming year. I think I attained one goal out of the six I made last year at this time. I made a nice looking rock stand for those who want to display their Spirit Rock prominently.

Yesterday, I went for a hike with my friend Dave, and then met up with my family ( including my niece, nephew, brother-in-law, sister and assorted grand nieces and nephews ) at the "Castle of Love" near where I live in Calistoga. It was loads of fun exploring the castle and taking lots of pictures with our I pads, I phones etc. I am so happy that I have a family like the one I do. The newest member is Casey, who my niece adopted this year. She is a very sweet fourteen year old who had not been off the island of Hawaii since her birth. This was her first big adventure to the mainland. Below is a picture of the crew as they appeared yesterday.

Christmas Memes

I don't know if this happens to you around this time of the year, but I have what I call "The Christmas Song Meme Syndrome". It entails waking up to a Christmas song that you perhaps heard at the mall, saw on TV, pondered on an escalator or maybe listened to at your daughter's Christmas recital. There it is, playing over and over in your head as you shave humming merrily along. Then, when you try to shake it by thinking of another tune, it reappears in your head holding you hostage for the rest of the day. You can't get rid of it no matter how hard you try.

ARRRrrrrgh !! Enough is enough. I promise not to post any audio files or midis to distract you, because I feel your pain. Suffice to say that even the mere mention of the name of these particular tunes will begin to burn holes in your brain. It seems that the only way to rid myself of the continuous loops is to pass these bouncy little ditties on to you !

They include Jingle Bells, Here comes Santa Claus, White Christmas, Winter Wonderland, Deck the halls, Grandma got run over by a reindeer, et al.

I'm sorry, I because all I really wanted was to wish you a...

"MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS ! "

ARRRrrrgh !! (tee hee)

Happy Birthday, Eric !

December was a great time to have a birthday as a kid, because we usually got presents both on our birthday and on Christmas. Next Saturday, I will be turning 64 on 12/13/14 ! My oldest friend Eric is turning 65 just the day after.

One cannot help but think that something very auspicious is going to happen on that day because it is that last numerically sequential date of this century! A lot of people get married on that day, because it makes it very easy to remember your anniversary, and my guess is that it binds a couple for eternity whether they like it or not. Eric lives in Eugene with his lady, Colleen ( They were not married on a numerically sequential day ), But now he is a grandfather, and devotes much time spoiling his grandchild when he is not putting the finishing touches on his new house ( Eric is a very talented builder and craftsman ). Those Oregonians know how to build stuff.

I spoke with my sister in Portland who said that they were enjoying the sunshine, and we have finally experienced more than a week's worth of rain... in such a long, long time. It is my hope that we have a long WET winter here in the Napa Valley. It would please us all to see our reservoirs and rivers fill up to overflowing, just because the summer left the land and trees so parched.

Today I've been preparing for the big Annual Holiday Gift show at the Black Stallion Winery near Soda Canyon on the Silverado Trail. This event is an invitation only event for the Craftspeople, and an open house for anyone who wants to attend. Lots of delicious snacks and finger food will be passed around and I hope to sell a lot of gift rocks for the holidays.

It will please me if Eric reads this blog, because he is generally the only one who checks to see if it has been updated. If you are reading this, beware, as I might mention you in my next blog.Well, I'm happy to have him as my oldest and dearest friend and I wish him the very best birthday this year, and for years to come. Happy Birthday, Eric. YOUR SPIRIT ROCKS !

Another Loss

I met Bob and Lou Crutcher at a CCE event at Roberta Meyer's house back in the early 80's. He had bright red hair and other than that, I thought that we had little else in common. I was wrong. He and I both shared common addictions.He was the owner/director of an iconic recovery center in St. Helena. His wife Lou, who he met at the St. Helena Hospital worked with him there. He was involved in alcoholism recovery here in the Napa Valley and contributed a great deal to many who went through Crutcher's Serenity House ( which has since been closed). He was also a veteran. Bob Crutcher was a class act. I don't know if he ever reconciled his relationship with his son Eddy, who had moved to Hawaii. But he and his sons were very much alike in their charismatic personalities.He drove a Harley and lived an enviable and full life. Later on in his life I had learned of a few setbacks, but he did not drink over these events and died sober. His humor and gentle spirit will be missed.

Friends that stay with you

This is a photo of a dear friend of mine that just recently passed. Although I fell out of touch over the years, we still remained strong in a heart-felt way. The woman I am speaking of is the one on the right. Probably the most talented and gifted person I have ever had the pleasure to know.

Her name is Roberta Meyer. I met Roberta early on in my sobriety, and she offered workshops for anyone with a desire to be in Communication. I spell that with a capital "C" because that was her gift. She brought that ability out in people just by her willingness to listen with intention.

She taught us that the degree to which we discount ourselves, is the degree to which we will damage others. In other words, love yourself, and know that you truly make a difference in the lives of the people around you. She authored two books, held many workshops and seminars, was an accomplished ballet dancer and taught dance throughout her life. She began programs that assisted families and youth at risk. She was a powerful speaker and  personality.

It was Roberta who listened when I had lost my mother to cancer. Ironically, she died from the same disease. She heard the language of my heart and I will forever be grateful to her for that. She was beautiful inside and out, and anyone who knew her would say pretty much the same thing.

May her Spirit live in the hearts of the people that knew her, forever.

This Week So Far...

Monday I had a meltdown, Tuesday the Giants won the World Series. Wednesday I went for a hike around Lake Hennessy with a friend named Jim. Thursday I went to a men's meeting. Friday I prepared Coffee for the morning meeting and went to Thelma's house for Boysenberry Pie and whipped cream which Cathy brought, later i bought some fire cheetos for the trick or treaters who came by my place for Halloween. Saturday was the Farmer's Market where the rain lightened up and I made a modest income. Today is Sunday. A week of ups and downs.

I should mention that I went to see my physician on Thursday and was prescribed a medication. I am willing to give it a go. Doc says three weeks and then to return to his office for an update. It's a mild anti-convulsant called Lamotrigine. It is prescribed for bipolarity.

The doctor assured me that this has been very effective in treating people with mood disorders. I believe now that I fall in to that category. Over the years I have tried a few anti-depressants, believing that I just suffered from what I have learned is agitated depression. These medications have only served to make me feel a bit like a zombie. Emotionally flat. As an artist I was left generally uninspired and unmotivated. I gained weight and noticed that my libido was not was it was before taking these medications. I stopped taking them at different intervals throughout the late 90's and early part on the millennium. I stopped entirely around 2008. I don't like taking things that can be abused. These medications do not fall into that category.

Recovery from alcoholism has taught me to proceed cautiously when it comes to seeking advice and treatment from professionals. I have known my physician for over thirty years. I trust his judgement around his practice. I have been to other so-called professionals and have experienced many adverse results over the years, but have always returned to what has made a positive difference in my life. Good friends and fellowship has never failed me in times of desperation.
I am truly grateful for having been brought up in a loving family, however dysfunctional... we are all miracles. I am also grateful for my sobriety ,and the people that have supported that over the thirty seven years I have been drug and alcohol free. My life has been an incredible adventure and I would not trade my
problems for anyones. I have discovered how my experience can benefit others, but I know only a little. No one likes a know it all who is sometimes right.

Today, It is clear to me that I know very little yet am being directed through the belief in a Power greater than myself . That Power continues to serve me to the degree that I ask to be shown, and am willing to accept the outcome.

I am blessed to be living in a beautiful Valley, and thank God every day for the opportunity to live here.

Nice Autumn Weather

Friday brought some overcast skies which seem so unusual since they haven't been around in quite awhile. Warm, sunny and blue-sky days have been the ho-hum norm around here. It almost wants to make me snuggle up to a good book in front of a fireplace somewhere ( yea right, you hopeless romantic ). Last night the Giants won the National league pennant which was a good excuse for fans to go bonkers up and down the streets of S.F. ( saw it on the 11pm news ). I even painted a few extra Giants logo rocks to sell at the Market tomorrow.

Okay, so I haven't a license to sell Giants swag... just send me a cease and desist letter and I will stop. I've also painted a number of Mandala rocks and a few Halloween rocks with spooky faces like Frankenstein. This is a good time of year for that sort of stuff. Lately, these blog entries have been rather mundane because I find my sense of excitement has somehow flattened out.

I long to live more spontaneously as I get older. Below are some beautiful Hydrangeas. A lady at the Market let me take a picture of them. Are we all happy now?

Stepping back in time

I took a trip to south S.F. with my friends Veda and Bill to visit Daiso; The Japanese "dollar" store in Serramonte. One can spend twenty bucks and walk out with a shopping bag full of items you didn't know you needed. Especially kitchen gadgets like silicone spatulas and hot plate holders. I wanted to get some glow in the dark dots that really glow bright to stick on my Spirit Rocks. They didn't have any this time. I especially wanted to visit my sister's store in the Castro but we were running a little late, and Bill didn't want to deal with the traffic getting in an out of S.F. on a Sunday after a Giants game. The City has just become crazy dense these past few years and it looks like that trend is not going to let up any time soon.It's really a young person's town nowadays. If I was still in my twenties or thirties and upwardly mobile, I would be up for the challenge to try and take it in on again. Not so in my sixties.

It's weird to watch a town grow over the years. Our family arrived in S.F. in the middle of the beatnik era. The Giants had arrived there to play in Seal Stadium only the year before. My dad took me to a game where I got to watch Johnny Antonelli pitch knuckle balls as I was more interested hearing the the beer and hot dog vendors yell out their products as they roamed the stands. It got cold after the fifth inning as the fog rolled in. The ever present summer fog. Coming from Connecticut, I mistook date palm trees for evidence of tropical weather because I recall seeing coconut palms in Florida as a kid, and figured that Bermuda shorts and a t-shirt would be de rigueur as I caught a nasty first summer cold following a"free" concert in Sigmund Stern Grove that July . How quickly one discovers that you are charting new territory when you hear for the very first time that dreadful time-warn "Coldest winter" quote from Mark Twain.

Tourists be forewarned... always bring a jacket.

When I'm Sixty Four...

This year my birthday falls on a Saturday, which will be on (you guessed it...) 12-13-14 ! The last numerically sequential date of the century.Could it be the end of days? Hmmmm... I don't know, but perhaps it is a good day to have a party. It's a weekend and the only thing I will probably be doing is selling rocks at the Farmer's Market. Saturday evening I attend mass, and then attend a meeting in St. Helena which gets out at 8:30PM . Maybe a movie and some popcorn at the Cameo theater. Hey, that sounds like a good time ! So, if you are in the area on December 13th, let's go to a show at the Cameo. This sounds like a plan.

My friend Eric reads this blog, and his birthday is on the fourteenth, and he will be officially a senior citizen that day. I still have a year to go.

So that's a wrap.

Banteron's Muse: Going Tubeless

Banteron's Muse: Going Tubeless: This is annoying, yet undeniably the price we will have to pay to feel politically and environmentally correct nowadays.It's Scott &quot...

Going Tubeless

This is annoying, yet undeniably the price we will have to pay to feel politically and environmentally correct nowadays.It's Scott "Naturals".This huge paper company is now presenting a new tubeless toilet paper roll.You are now able to feel good about taking (and for that matter) giving a shit.Comedians will have a field day with this one.You can hear one saying now,"Yo! when my fingers ain't enough for cleaning the old bung-hole, I can now use the whole roll!"Lookout Scott, it's coming.

Don't these people know that toilet paper tubes are a necessity for many a school art project? When stacked upright, several tubes can support weight thousands of times it's own.It's what this country is built upon!(an endless trash heap, that is...) It will be sad the day when children won't have that pretend telescope to peer through; But will this mean that it will be an eye-blink before Scott pulls the tubes from their paper towels? Ever try to place a new roll on one of those spring-loaded holders?

Like you, I don't want to think about these things. Waste,when out of sight is out of mind in my book; But Scott has a point, and no doubt has held countless meetings and focus groups to bring this idea forward for the rest of us to ponder.It only goes to prove the time worn Werner Erhard pontification..."Their is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come." Nor is a crap,when one is ready to deliver one.It's sort of like being stuck in traffic after two espressos and a bran muffin if you get my drift.New mother's will concur on this...Does everyone agree that toilet paper tubes are an environmental disaster? Didn't you get the memo on this?

A little shook up

This morning at 3:30 am I was woken to a rumbling sound and items falling from shelves throughout my apartment. I bolted out of bed and through the front door down the stairs to the driveway yelling, "Earthquake!" Being the first one out, my heart was thumping and after calming myself a bit, i noticed I was still in my underwear. Hmmmm... well they were a plaid pattern and looked somewhat like a pair of swim shorts,so I didn't worry too much about people noticing.

The neighbors began to appear from balconies across the way, and everyone was standing around looking at each other wondering what everyone usually wonders... is that the end of it? Well it is approximately twelve hours later and we've only experienced mild aftershocks here at the North end of the Valley. Napa bore the brunt of the damage from this 6.1 magnitude quake.My sister and nephew called in short order to see if I was alright.No problem here.

My nephew posted pictures of his place in Napa where you can see that many items were tossed about; like ping pong balls in a lottery spinner.Thankfully everyone is still alive and hopefully we will not have another shaker like that for some time to come.Let's keep our fingers crossed.

What is Meditation?

Is it sitting still? Is it letting your thoughts go? Is it focusing? Or, as the Dalai Lama would say, "The best meditation is sleep". I find that it is a variety of practices,postures and positions. None of which will guarantee results because these are the manifestations of that which our mind conjures and that by definition is thinking.Thinking is either constructive or destructive.Meditation is neither.As I write this, I think about the times I've meditated and how it has been practiced (not unlike weight-lifting or even losing weight for that matter). Meditation requires an entry and an exit. Like prayer it requires a conscious attempt to engage. Listening to sounds and sensations as a way of entering into a meditative state, just as breathing slowly and releasing tension helps us to drop down into our experience.

Today I am looking at what meditation is not.Distraction is not meditation.It will misalign us.Distraction has to be allowed though,as it can be incorporated into the body of the meditation. Otherwise, resistance ensues. Resistance will persist to the degree that we resist it.Acceptance is the key,and ultimately the essence of a regulated meditative practice.Acceptance then becomes the first level of our conscious experience.Meditation is all about experiencing our experience.This experience is beyond belief.

Life on the inside

I've been working inside most days these past four years.The day begins with a shower,shave etc...then off to mass.

When returning home, I begin to make breakfast and start my work.Today,I am updating my blog(s).It is late July and the heat is apparent in my small, one-bedroom apartment.It is only 9:30am and the sun is out.If it is a Monday, I like to listen to my Podcasts. This American Life. WTF.Snap Judgement. They are all good.Then I begin painting rocks.

My workday ends around 4:30 ~ 5:00pm.The days go by quickly.

A visit from Tara

My sister Tara arrived from Portland on July fourth around 1PM. She has been staying with me here in Calistoga in my apartment, which becomes very hot when the air conditioner is left off.She has been very gracious by providing groceries and money for gas and utilities, which I did not expect.During the day when I usually will be painting,she will read articles on her IPad, etc. It has been pleasant during these periods.

We also have been on a few "Field trips" around this area.One day we went to collect rocks out at the Pacific Ocean in an area known as Russian Gulch.The next day we went for a little hike up at Bothe State Park where we plan to go swimming/picnic this evening around five.We also took a little trip out to Lake Hennessy where we watched the sunset.All in all, it has been a wonderful time having her stay with me. She will be flying back to Portland this coming Sunday.Below is a picture of her when we went to the Castle of Love.The knocker on the door was enough to make it look like a halo above her head...yea, right !

Baby Rubi

She was born on father's day to Andres and Dinora Quintero.These fine people now have three beautiful children who are being raised in a loving home three doors away. When I helped Dinora to the door to her apartment I saw that little Rubi was in her baby seat in the back of her daddy's work truck. She looks like her mom and has a full head of dark hair.She is going to be the pride of this family, and is certain to have the dignity and respect of a princess.I am pleased to have the Quinteros as my neighbors and friends.They represent the unity and togetherness any healthy family should come to expect.Now that little Rubi is our newest addition in the hood, everyone will have plenty of opportunity to show joy and attention to this beautiful child.I hope she grows up to be as proud and strong as her two loving parents.