Friday, November 30, 2012

Raining pigs and puppies

I wanted to say that, rather than " Cats and Dogs " because that has become so much of a cliché. The roads are slick and filled with unraked leaves that serve as little slip pads wherever you go. Normally, this weather would find me depressed and forlorn. That was my Modus operandi. Anything to fortify a particular foul mood.But hey ! I've changed! I now realize that everything goes back to my perspective.EVERYTHING.

Last night, I had a show at the public library. When the show was over I was carting my belongings back to my car and the CART that I had resting on the sidewalk, rolled off and over into the street. It was pouring rain and my inventory was all over the place. I took this opportunity to shout many expletives at the top of my lungs.

Luckily, only one person was within earshot and they kept walking. I grudgingly picked up all my supplies and noticed that I had broken one of my display tables ( more expletives came out ). When I finally drove off, having packed the car haphazardly the song "Feeling Groovy" came on the radio. I shouted " I am not feeling f*#&@ing groovy G -dammit !" Then I took a spot check inventory, and apologized to my higher power. I also realized how hard I am on myself for "being stupid".

Whether or not that previous statement is true is of no consequence. I was just absent-minded in where I placed the cart. I began the slow process of self forgiveness which is so necessary for my recovery. This is all part of my daily spiritual program. As I write this, I invite God into my daily affairs to build and work with me. If this sounds sanctimonious, I'm sorry, because I know that I am no saint. In fact, my life has been about coming to terms with my inner demons.It would be nice to have my character defects become assets, but I have yet to see anyone who has been able to have their quick temperament produce anything of lasting value.

Am I grateful for my temper? That's a tough one to answer. As I yelled, the crow in the picture flew away.

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