Last night, I had a show at the public library. When the show was over I was carting my belongings back to my car and the CART that I had resting on the sidewalk, rolled off and over into the street. It was pouring rain and my inventory was all over the place. I took this opportunity to shout many expletives at the top of my lungs.
Luckily, only one person was within earshot and they kept walking. I grudgingly picked up all my supplies and noticed that I had broken one of my display tables ( more expletives came out ). When I finally drove off, having packed the car haphazardly the song "Feeling Groovy" came on the radio. I shouted " I am not feeling f*#&@ing groovy G -dammit !" Then I took a spot check inventory, and apologized to my higher power. I also realized how hard I am on myself for "being stupid".
Whether or not that previous statement is true is of no consequence. I was just absent-minded in where I placed the cart. I began the slow process of self forgiveness which is so necessary for my recovery. This is all part of my daily spiritual program. As I write this, I invite God into my daily affairs to build and work with me. If this sounds sanctimonious, I'm sorry, because I know that I am no saint. In fact, my life has been about coming to terms with my inner demons.It would be nice to have my character defects become assets, but I have yet to see anyone who has been able to have their quick temperament produce anything of lasting value.
Am I grateful for my temper? That's a tough one to answer. As I yelled, the crow in the picture flew away.