Missed Payroll

Today is Sunday, the 28th of December and I am sweating it. I have a big red rash on my arm where the cast was, and now I am trying to figure out how to obtain a reliable, legal means of transportation (My car would not pass smog) so I can make it to church on time . I am going to mass and will be back in an hour to finish this blog.

Okay, I am back. Mass was a wash. Today was the feast of the Holy Family. I feel estranged, because I don't really have one of my own. Although I come from a large loving family, I personally never found a wife with which to bear children of my own. I am not happy with my life as it is right now. The priest talked about the efficacy of Proposition 8; Which only made me feel anxious about being a single male in a congregation filled with the righteous worshippers of parenthood. Jesus Christ was never a parent. My name is Christopher, which means "Christ-bearer" ...go figure.

This time of the year is so dismal and grey in the Western Hemisphere. I am beginning to think that Jesus was more a metaphor or an archetype rather than a living person seeking redemption for us all. It seems that more heartache and destruction has been carried out in His name, than the miraculous events that have occurred on His behalf. Has this world truly become of better place since the Advent of His birth? Presently, I am eating a bowl of cereal ... and as i write this. I am thankful for the food I have to eat, but I have to buy from the Grocery Outlet Store to make ends meet. I also purchase clothes from the Salvation Army for the same reason. The rent for my one-bedroom apartment in Calistoga is something I can barely afford to pay. Today, I am living out the legacy of a universal, ecclesiastical religion that has only served to maintain the status quo.

I just had a good talk with my sister Tara in Portland. Somehow, I thought of calling her to let her know how I was feeling. Man, I am sure glad that I did. She basically told me something that I hadn't thought of... that I really do love Jesus Christ. I just am not so happy with the way the world is right now, and religion hasn't been of much help lately. I am going to explore my relationship with Christ more as the new year approaches.